Back on Track

Since July, I have been trying to blog. I can’t tell you how many posts I’ve started and could not finish. Oh, I had plenty of topics to write about. But either my emotions got in the way and stymied me or my thoughts were so jumbled I could not figure out how to arrange them into form or structure.

In July

I sat down to write a piece on freedom and had planned to post it around the Fourth of July holiday. But I quickly discovered I could not write about freedom when too many people are still not free. How can I espouse life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness—words our founding fathers listed as guaranteed rights for citizens of this country—when people like me cannot get justice in the courts, cannot drive without being stopped for ridiculous reasons, cannot find affordable housing (even with a voucher), cannot even get an elected official to pick up his/her phone and talk to me? How can I celebrate freedom when rigged systems, unfair policies, oppressive practices, and pure hatred enslaves those who are the least, the tired, the poor, the huddled masses yearning to breathe free? No, there was no writing about freedom, independence, or the old red, white and blue. Too much anger. Intense, boiling anger. No blog post.

In August

The last full month of summer arrives and surely that’s a good month to write about reading, writing or spirituality—the three topics I focus on on this site. Surely I am calm enough, loving enough, optimistic enough to write a mid-year status based on the numerology forecast for 2017 . I sit down to write about the numbers forecast for August and how the eclipse plays into that and dog-gone-it, more of the same. Intense emotions (anger, frustration, and at times hopelessness) and thoughts that are spiraling in a thousand different directions. Lord, what’s wrong with me? Surely my only blog post this summer will not be a reading list? (Not that summer reading lists aren’t important. I enjoy scanning lists of beach – or wherever your summer travels take you – reads.) Why can’t I focus? Why is it that every time I sit down to compose a blog post (or even read), my mind splinters – to the current civil war in America (Confederates versus Everyone Else); to the hate spewing from the White House; to protests denouncing indignities and un-Christian policies; to congressional attacks against core rights; to another shooting, another bombing, another natural disaster. Even the stunning eclipse on August 21st could not superimpose its beauty on this country. The moon performed its breathtaking show and seemingly everyone took a break from life to watch and be awed. But only hours after the show ended, what do we encounter? The threat of nuclear war from one country met by threats and bullying from another. It’s enough to bow in despair. No blog post.

In September

It’s been months now with my mind in tatters. Months now during which I can barely communicate verbally (oh, did I forget to mention a Mercury retrograde that had me talking like a toddler) let alone write – even a simple email. “This cannot go on,” I cry out and thankfully my anguish is felt. My angels, my Muse, my God, whatever spiritual being is hovering over me replies, “Pray!”

“What?” I answer back.

“Pray.”

Something opens inside me and all the tension, heartache and dark feelings I had been harboring inside me evaporates. I am immediately reminded that nothing is bigger than God. Not irrational world leaders, not hate-mongers, not climate change, not jumbled and wayward thoughts, not destructive emotions. Nothing. I am immediately reminded that the one true way to God is through prayer. I smile, sit back in my chair, close my eyes, take a few deep breaths, and think

Pray

Never ceasing

Always in the present

Always on time

Always right and appropriate,

Fashionable and in season

Prayer

Pray

To erase hate. To usher in peace.

For love to reign. For equity, justice, and fairness too.

To eliminate us versus them.

To join all in spiritual union.

Pray

Never ceasing

Until that day when ALL sees the ONE as ALL

Pray!

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Thank God, I am back on track!

7 thoughts on “Back on Track

  1. I love the imagery you chose for this post….it conveys a sense of peace. Since last November, when the country made what was to me an odd and discouraging turn, I have maintained a certain bit of emotional distance from what I see happening round about….as if I am an observer of a strange movie in which many of the cast have gone decidedly mad. I often pose the question, “what is happening here, and what is there for me to learn?” It’s my way of operating in detached involvement. And it’s allowed me to remain somewhat insulated emotionally, whereas some of my friends have grown quite depressed with what they see. It’s encouraging that you were able to lift the weight you’ve been feeling by connecting with God through prayer.

    I think it is important to remain mindful that for believers, our true citizenship is in Heaven (Philippians 3:20). And I know I have been encouraged by the wisdom literature from Psalms that instructs us not to fret because of evildoers (Psalms 37). I hope that you will continue to walk out your peace. Thank you for sharing!

    • Hi Rhonda, thank you for stopping by, reading the post and chiming in. I eagerly read your comments and appreciate your encouraging words. Thank you for reminding me of some very true and loving words to hang on to. You’re right, it will take the community of people who love “love” to pull us through this current “test.” Praying for you. Praying for me. Praying for all. Praying for the US. Praying for the world.

  2. I hear you Ann! This year has been full of angst for so many, including me. I’m appalled at the state of what is going on in the US on all fronts with the mighty ‘orange one’. And the full moons, blue moons, retrogrades, eclipses have had me wondering if I too am coming or going. Lots of prayer my friend that the world will set itself right soon. ❤

    • Thanks Debby for sharing the pain. It really does help to know that we are not in this alone. But we’re strong women. We will survive and keep evolving. And here’s some virtual love, hugs and prayers coming your way. Just for you! For us!

  3. Ann, I am happy that you’re back on track. Your post made me sad and I am so sorry that because of a bigot in power racism has become a rising issue in your country. The racist termites have come out of the woodwork. Let’s hope and pray that they are stamped out by the millions of non-racists and that your courage will guide your creativity. Your voice on the effects of racism needs to be heard! ❤

    • Thank you Carol for your strong, empathetic words. With prayer I am fortified. Hate will not rule. Racism will not rule. I believe in the power of love and prayer. In the end we will all breathe a sigh of thanksgiving and be stronger for having survived this period. “This, too, shall pass.” Many blessings to you, dear friend.

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