Since July, I have been trying to blog. I can’t tell you how many posts I’ve started and could not finish. Oh, I had plenty of topics to write about. But either my emotions got in the way and stymied me or my thoughts were so jumbled I could not figure out how to arrange them into form or structure.
I sat down to write a piece on freedom and had planned to post it around the Fourth of July holiday. But I quickly discovered I could not write about freedom when too many people are still not free. How can I espouse life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness—words our founding fathers listed as guaranteed rights for citizens of this country—when people like me cannot get justice in the courts, cannot drive without being stopped for ridiculous reasons, cannot find affordable housing (even with a voucher), cannot even get an elected official to pick up his/her phone and talk to me? How can I celebrate freedom when rigged systems, unfair policies, oppressive practices, and pure hatred enslaves those who are the least, the tired, the poor, the huddled masses yearning to breathe free? No, there was no writing about freedom, independence, or the old red, white and blue. Too much anger. Intense, boiling anger. No blog post.
The last full month of summer arrives and surely that’s a good month to write about reading, writing or spirituality—the three topics I focus on on this site. Surely I am calm enough, loving enough, optimistic enough to write a mid-year status based on the numerology forecast for 2017 . I sit down to write about the numbers forecast for August and how the eclipse plays into that and dog-gone-it, more of the same. Intense emotions (anger, frustration, and at times hopelessness) and thoughts that are spiraling in a thousand different directions. Lord, what’s wrong with me? Surely my only blog post this summer will not be a reading list? (Not that summer reading lists aren’t important. I enjoy scanning lists of beach – or wherever your summer travels take you – reads.) Why can’t I focus? Why is it that every time I sit down to compose a blog post (or even read), my mind splinters – to the current civil war in America (Confederates versus Everyone Else); to the hate spewing from the White House; to protests denouncing indignities and un-Christian policies; to congressional attacks against core rights; to another shooting, another bombing, another natural disaster. Even the stunning eclipse on August 21st could not superimpose its beauty on this country. The moon performed its breathtaking show and seemingly everyone took a break from life to watch and be awed. But only hours after the show ended, what do we encounter? The threat of nuclear war from one country met by threats and bullying from another. It’s enough to bow in despair. No blog post.
It’s been months now with my mind in tatters. Months now during which I can barely communicate verbally (oh, did I forget to mention a Mercury retrograde that had me talking like a toddler) let alone write – even a simple email. “This cannot go on,” I cry out and thankfully my anguish is felt. My angels, my Muse, my God, whatever spiritual being is hovering over me replies, “Pray!”
“What?” I answer back.
Something opens inside me and all the tension, heartache and dark feelings I had been harboring inside me evaporates. I am immediately reminded that nothing is bigger than God. Not irrational world leaders, not hate-mongers, not climate change, not jumbled and wayward thoughts, not destructive emotions. Nothing. I am immediately reminded that the one true way to God is through prayer. I smile, sit back in my chair, close my eyes, take a few deep breaths, and think
Always in the present
Always on time
Always right and appropriate,
Fashionable and in season
To erase hate. To usher in peace.
For love to reign. For equity, justice, and fairness too.
To eliminate us versus them.
To join all in spiritual union.
Until that day when ALL sees the ONE as ALL
Thank God, I am back on track!