Ann vs. Fear: The Fight for Authentic Living

In her book, The Artist’s Way, Julia Cameron discusses Shadow Artists. These are people who have a deep-seated desire to be an artist—a painter, poet, actress, singer, etc.—but who are so blocked by fear or firmly planted negative messages that they never bring that desire up and out. They prefer instead to bask in the company of Authentic Artists—people who are fully engaged in making art.

For a long time I was a shadow artist living a shadow life. Afraid to fully engage in my art even though God had sent me a strong message to step out on faith and do so. Oh, I talked myself into thinking that I could do both—work full-time jobs that I hated and write in the evenings/weekends. But that’s all it was
—foolish talk and foolish thinking.

Then one day I had no choice. Well, let me restate that. We always have a choice. My choices were to continue living as a shadow artist with a shadow life or live authentically as an authentic artist. For me, I had reached such an unhealthy level of unhappiness and dissatisfaction that there really was no choice. I resigned from shadow living and swore I would never go back to the shadows.

So far that has been the case but I tell you…it hasn’t been easy because of fear. Fear is a powerful emotion, as powerful as love. Fear is what kept me operating as a shadow artist for so long. I was afraid of having no money. I was afraid my quality of life would degrade. I was afraid my talents weren’t good enough to sustain me. But to live an authentic life, I knew I was going to have to step into the ring and fight fear. So I did. It was September 2010. Here’s the blow-by-blow…

I had finished a freelance assignment in August (2010) but the jerk client refused to pay me (that’s another story). I had maybe $10 in my checking account and another $25 in my savings. My mortgage and car payments were several months behind, all of the utilities were due, and I had received more rejections for my novel. Thus burdened, what did I do? I went to bed. I just couldn’t face fear or the future so I went to sleep, hoping to never wake up. Just before drifting off, I had enough sense to ask God for help.

Before I woke fully the next morning, a thought pounded in my head: Go to your safe. Dig out your savings bonds and cash them in. I had forgotten all about the savings bonds I had purchased over the years! Needless to say, I broke all speed limits driving to the bank, and after cashing in the bonds I had enough to keep the utilities going, purchase gas and groceries, and have cash on hand until my unemployment checks kicked in.

When I returned home, I received a prompting from Spirit to call the finance company that held the note on my car. With butterflies in my stomach, I dialed them up and they were so nice, granting me a two-month deferment. A month later when I should have been evicted from my home, I received a letter from my mortgage company and HUD (Housing and Urban Development) stating the Obama administration had called a halt to all foreclosures, and oh by the way, there’s a program you qualify for where HUD will pay the bulk of your mortgage for two years.

But that’s not all…sixteen months later, I sold the novel I had been trying to sell since 2000.

Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! The winner is: Ann.

I won that particular fight against fear, but the battle is never over. Every day I face fear and every day I rely on prayer, journaling and the prompting of Spirit to stare it down and come out swinging. This I do so that I may continue to live an authentic life as an authentic artist.

I ask you … Are you bound in shadow living? If so, what deep-seated fear(s) has beaten you? Are you ready to face that fear and live authentically?

OUCH! Change Hurts!

Okay, maybe changing one’s career, living arrangements, school, hairstyle, doctor, etc. doesn’t physically hurt, but it sure is uncomfortable. And that’s the position I found myself in last year (2012) when my then editor Goldie Browning told me my book, Fuller’s Curse was a horror book. That news disappointed me for two reasons: one, I had not intended to write a horror book; I was striving for literary or mainstream fiction; and two, I had spent over ten years in the romance genre and did not want to venture into another genre. So to help me with my change from romance writer to horror writer, and to help me examine some of my preconceived ideas about horror writing, I began researching the horror genre and guess who I found—Sumiko Saulson.

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Sumiko titles herself a horror novelist, but in addition to novels, she writes short stories and comics (isn’t that cool?). Beyond her computer, she speaks at horror writing/reading events and blogs about the topic. I’d go so far as to say she lives and breathes the genre. Others have labeled her “one of the most active women in horror” and she is an Ambassador for Women in Horror Month. In short, she’s the expert I’d been searching for.

I explained to Sumiko that I needed an intro to the horror genre and she eagerly agreed to share what knowledge she had which turned out to be a lot. So much so I can not share her entire interview here, however the highlights appear below. I hope you enjoy learning about this genre as much as I did.

Ann: As an insider in the horror genre, how do you define horror?
Sumiko: Horror is simply writing intended to frighten the reader and tap into some deep and primal instinct of fear. Reading, and for that matter, writing horror is kind of like riding a roller coaster; it’s an adrenaline rush. Many horror writers, like Edgar Allan Poe and me are also exorcising personal demons with our writing. Like Poe, I was originally a poet. I tried to write non-horror fiction, but it’s not what tends to exude from my mind or my fingertips, so for me, horror was almost a default setting.

Ann: What are some of the misconceptions about the horror genre that you encounter?
Sumiko: Very frequently women will tell me “Oh, I don’t read horror” shortly after finding out that I write in the genre. Sometimes the same people will read something I’ve written and say “Oh, well, this is very good for horror” or “I was surprised I liked it.” Frankly, the gender bias is strong, especially for women. People have the tendency to think writing or reading horror is unladylike or undignified and so a lot of women want to disassociate from the genre; it’s just not something “nice girls” do. The other side of it is people – in this case usually men – who think women can’t write horror because we are so soft and dainty. But I think horror is something intrinsic to the human experience and it is not actually gender specific. Mary Shelley was said to have been inspired to write Frankenstein during a period of mourning over a failed pregnancy. Horror often allows the writer to process the terrible things that can happen while touching on some of the bigger questions, such as in Shelley’s case: whether or not we should be attempting to create new life from the dead.

Ann: What value does horror writing add to the literary landscape?
Sumiko: Horror, like all speculative fiction, allows the writer to explore subjects that the reader might be uncomfortable confronting head on. These can include political questions such as in Stephen King’s “The Stand” when the reader is forced to question whether or not we should trust government to experiment with biological weapons, or like Mary Shelley’s religious question from above: should we play God? By creating some distance between the world we live in, both horror and science fiction allow us to examine these questions without having things hit too close to home. A lot of people noticed Gene Roddenberry doing this with Star Trek in the 60s when he used alien species to create parables and fables regarding contemporary issues such as racism, interracial romance, and the Cold War.

Ann: It sounds like there are some genres that lend themselves more readily to cross-pollinate with the horror genre. If you agree, what are they? Can you share some examples of cross pollination that worked well?
Sumiko: The reason the “Speculative Fiction” umbrella emerged was because of the close relationship between science fiction, fantasy, and horror. You see that when you read something as old and established as Mary Shelley’s “Frankenstein.” Both science fiction and horror genres are eager to claim the work, and it is frequently named as an early example of women in horror and in sci-fi. We see a lot of paranormal romances these days which combine the supernatural element generally associated with horror with romance, and in some cases, like the L.A. Banks vampire slayer stories, actually can be considered horror or urban fantasy as well as paranormal romance. Then, of course, dystopic and apocalyptic themes are seen across multiple genres. You see that in Robert Neville’s “I Am Legend,” which includes apocalyptic, science fiction and horror themes.

Ann: Why should a reader try a horror book if they’ve never read one? What books do you recommend for “new” horror readers?
Sumiko: I don’t think everyone needs to read horror. Some people don’t like it the same way some don’t like roller coaster rides. However, if someone is interested, I suggest they start with classic horror with one of the many short stories. There is a terrific online archive of wonderful works by Poe, H.P. Lovecraft and others like Ambrose Bierce and even Charles Dickens. A favorite of mine which can be found on the archive is W.W. Jacob’s “The Monkey’s Paw.” Here’s the link to the archive: http://www.classichorrorstories.com/

Ann: What are some trends in the horror genre?
Sumiko: Paranormal romance has become extremely popular lately, and it seems to appeal to women of all ages. We have stories about girls romantically involved with vampires, werewolves, zombies, and Bigfoot. A lot of these stories are more like erotica and romance and less like horror, but you do have some where the world the characters live in – like L.A. Banks’ “Vampire Huntress” series or the latest Anne Rice “Wolf Gift” series – falls into the horror genre. The identification of the work as a part of the horror genre has to do with the presence of real threats, real danger, and generally real harm occurring to characters within the stories. Where there is no risk, there is no horror, because there is no danger to be terrified of.

And on those insightful words, I ended my interview with Sumiko Saulson, the author of “Solitude,” “Warmth,” and “The Moon Cried Blood.” A big hug and thanks to Sumiko for sharing her knowledge and time. To visit her online, go to www.sumikosaulson.com.

Cinco de Mayo Giveaway on Sunday, May 5th.

Reblogged from Sumiko Saulson:

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Those of you who have read "The Moon Cried Blood" already know that it's central protagonist, 13 year old Tisha is a young lady of African American and Mexican American heritage living in Los Angeles in the mid 1970s. In this gritty work of dark fantasy and urban fiction, the teen comes to know that she is one of a long line of witches called "Luna" whose powers are connected to the cycles of the moon.

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Enjoy with your blood red margarita...

It’s A Wrap!

Today marks the end of National Poetry Month. I hope you enjoyed reading “One Poet, One Line” (OPOL), the post on April 2, 2013 that introduced one local or regional poet and one line from one of their treasured poems. OPOL was my way of showcasing a talented group of poets and sharing a tiny bit of their work. To wrap up National Poetry Month, I thought it appropriate to list the titles of their collections in case you’re interested in reading more of their works or purchasing a copy of their books. I certainly enjoy their talent; I hope you did too!

Soulful Storm by Che’
Dream Children by Herman Wilson II
A Legacy of African American Literature, presented by the Writer’s Block – Doris House Rice
Feel Like Shoutin’ by Evelyn Dees Kelly
Sapphires and Satin by Lisa Brown Ross
Poetry of Relativity by Pari Danian
Sounds of Silence by Irene P. Zucker
Untitled by Pam Fields
Fruits of the Soul by Le’Juana Searcy
I Send You Light by Martha Switzer
One Less Road to Travel by Nichole Shields
Poems from the Fast by Jeanetta Britt
Dubious & Darling by Hugh Mitchell Bouvier
Cockroach Children: corner poems and street psalms by Quraysh Ali
Becoming by Sharon Jones-Scaife
Come Into Our Whirl a collection featuring Katherine “Kat” Smith and others
Love After Dark by Rudy V
Poetic Rhythms for Life’s Moods by Gary L. Hawthorne
Renaissance of the Soul by Lois Snell
Words of My Soul by September

Congratulations to Evelyn!

Congrats to Evelyn Edwards-Wimberly! She entered the Discover Authors giveaway contest and won a FREE copy of Fuller’s Curse.

Discover Authors Logo

Thanks to all who entered and please check back here frequently. There’s more freebies, drawings, and fun to come.

Oh, and if you haven’t yet purchased your copy of Fuller’s Curse, here’s the link…

Thanks for visiting. Have a great literary week!

Today is THE Day!

WOW!

I can’t believe April 23rd is really here. I started this publishing journey a year ago and back then 4/23/13 seemed so far off. Now, it’s really here and that means Fuller’s Curse is really here.

My story of accidental deaths, curses, good and evil is now available on Amazon. You can purchase the book for your Kindle, computer or SmartPhone at the low introductory price of $4.99 (limited time).

For those of you who prefer the feel of a physical book in your hands (like me), the print version of Fuller’s Curse will be available in late May. Check back here (www.AnnFields.com) for the actual release date, but I’m shooting for May 23.

And finally, for those of you who refuse to contribute to Amazon taking over the world but prefer ebooks, you will have the option of purchasing your ebook copy of Fuller’s Curse from Kobo, Smashwords, Barnes & Noble, Apple, and other e-tailers by the end of July.

Publishing Schedule:
April 23 – ebook (Amazon) – $4.99
May 23 – print copy – $14.99
July 23 – ebook (Kobo, Smashwords, Barnes & Noble, Apple and other e-tailers) – $4.99 (introductory price)

Book Release Party:
Some of you have been asking about a book release/launch party and I’m happy to tell you plans are underway. I don’t have the exact date yet because the party will be held in conjunction with the release of the print version of Fuller’s Curse. But I can tell you that the book release party will be a party in the fullest sense of the word with giveaways, fun, party pics, displays and more. Check my web site regularly as information will be posted and updated here. I can also tell you that the setting for the party…it will blow your mind! I promise.

Discover Authors Giveaway:
For those of you who entered the Discover Authors drawing for a free book–hold off on purchasing your copy. You may be the winner! Check your email this evening for the official results.

In Gratitude:
Thanks to everyone who has supported me throughout this journey. Publishing is not easy. Writing is not easy. But both are made more enjoyable when the author is in the midst of caring family, friends and associates. God bless you and enjoy Fuller’s Curse.

Some Literary Facts in Honour of World Book Night

Reblogged from interesting literature:

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Today, 23 April, is World Book Night (sometimes known, confusingly, as World Book Day). It is also the birthday (according to convention; nobody knows for sure) of William Shakespeare, and also the date on which he died, in 1616. On different calendars, Miguel de Cervantes (author of Don Quixote) and William Wordsworth also died on this day, in 1616 and 1850 respectively. 

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Today is International World Book Day! I found this interesting and thought I would share. Read on...